Written by Supreme Hamster Commander, dictated but not read
You've seen cats on the internet. You've watched dogs get famous. NOW IT'S OUR TURN.
We're not just cute little furballs running in wheels. We're the FUTURE OF FINANCE, you fools! While you were busy creating complicated DeFi protocols that nobody understands, WE were plotting something far more ingenious: turning our cardio routine into cold, hard cash.
OUR EVIL LAIR(S)
Our operation runs from FOUR strategic command centers, each equipped with 4K surveillance (that YOU can watch 24/7 because we're not afraid of transparency, unlike your banks):
Where we recharge our tiny bodies for world domination
Our tactical training ground disguised as a cute forest
The money printer goes BRRRRR when we go RUNNNN
Where we trigger financial chaos with a simple crossing
Currently, our hamster army consists of 3 elite operatives - SAM, HAM, and MIA - but our recruitment division is always evaluating new talent. (Must be good at running and have excellent gate-crossing abilities.)
HOW WE'RE TAKING OVER THE FINANCIAL SYSTEM
Every time one of us magnificent creatures spins the wheel, we add $1 to our jackpot chest. That's right - we're literally RUNNING our way to riches while you humans sit on your couches watching us.
When any of us crosses this gate, we BURN your tokens! MWAHAHAHA! (Actually, this makes your tokens more valuable through scarcity, but let us have our evil moment)
When any of us crosses this gate, we make it RAIN on a random holder! The more tokens you have, the better your chances. It's like a lottery, but controlled BY HAMSTERS!
For every 1000 followers we gain on Twitter/X.com, we add $500 to the jackpot MANUALLY on the SAME DAY! It's our way of saying "thanks for spreading the word about our hamster revolution." Follow us, shill us, and we'll make the jackpot FATTER!
TOKENOMICS FOR WORLD DOMINATION
Total Supply: 1 Billion $HAMSTRZ Tokens
(that's BILLION with a B, because we think BIG)
(because we need funding for our hamster revolution)
we're generous overlords
you call it "marketing"
hamster wheels don't spin themselves, people
EMBRACING THE DRAMATIC GOPHER LEGACY
Remember that dramatic gopher who turned to the camera with suspenseful music? THAT'S OUR SPIRITUAL ANCESTOR!
While other crypto projects are busy making empty promises about changing the world, we're channeling the energy of the most dramatic rodent in internet history. When markets go bear, we go DRAMATIC GOPHER!
In the darkest crypto winter, our meme power only grows stronger. The more the market crashes, the funnier it is that ACTUAL HAMSTERS are outperforming "serious" investments!
ROADMAP TO GLOBAL DOMINATION
Phase 1: Infiltration
Release tokens, build hamster infrastructure, convince humans it's "cute" and not at all suspicious
Phase 2: Expansion
Add more hamsters to our army, enhance jackpot mechanics, grow our human follower base (especially on Twitter/X.com where every 1000 followers = $500 added to the jackpot!)
Phase 3: Consolidation
Develop additional features, form strategic alliances with other crypto projects (they'll never see us coming)
Phase 4: TOTAL DOMINATION
Global presence, community governance (humans think they're in control, how adorable), advanced features
RISK FACTORS (REQUIRED BY OUR HUMAN LAWYERS)
- Markets go up and down (mostly up when hamsters are involved)
- Regulations (humans trying to stop the hamster revolution)
- Technical stuff might break (we have tiny paws, okay?)
- Hamster welfare is priority #1 (happy hamsters = successful revolution)
CONCLUSION: JOIN US OR PERISH (FINANCIALLY)
HAMSTRZ isn't just another crypto project. It's a MOVEMENT. A furry, wheel-spinning, gate-crossing movement that will change finance forever.
While the crypto "experts" are making complicated charts and using big words, we're just running in wheels, crossing gates, and somehow making a more entertaining and potentially profitable system than most of them.
In a world of bears and bulls, BE A HAMSTER.
Join us, and together, we shall rule the financial galaxy as hamster and holder!
© 2025 Hamsterz. All rights reserved.
This document was written by hamsters and should not be taken as financial advice. If you're taking financial advice from hamsters, you might be a true degen... and we respect that.